BACK FROM THE GRAVE
You already know who it is its The Black Hulk Hogan
The White D Wade
The more in shape Kevin James but sorta something like Lebron James
AKA The one who watches a wack movie and feels pain. Yeah it's me Ace Michaels you might know me by another name and if you do put some RESPEKT on it. I was gone a for a minute but I had to resurface from my secret hideout to inform the people about these movies before you mess around and buy a $60 Blu-Ray coaster for your $1.47 black can 211 malt liquor. Even a downloaded movie that has to be entered into the Recycle bin dunk contest is a waste.
The most effective way to utilize my expertise for a movie you haven't watched is to read the opening preview and then watch the movie. BUTI'm gonna keep it real if you are like me and you like to read while you take a dump or are stuck in a boring place just jump into one of my reviews and enjoy it. I do spoil the movies but I always mark for spoilers. Understand this I keep it real in these reviews, I don't like romantic comedies, animated comedies and time wasting BS movies. I'm tryna see people get punched through walls, wigs getting split, dudes busting out with the 50 round drum and wetting everybody up if you needed a review for The Notebook or Titanic consider this blog a restricted area and dip on out of here.
Before I even get started it is
imperative that I let you know
Yes there are “Levels to this stuff” as Meek Mill put it so eloquently.
Rock N Rolla is a crime comedy movie
that delivers style and substance and a freaking sweet soundtrack (no
Meek Milly Mills is not on the movie soundtrack the music here is
much much MUCH better than his) This movie takes the viewer to all
the different levels of London's underground world of crime and
connects them all with a mysterious lucky painting. Don't worry Guy
Ritchie doesn't go all Monuments Men on you with tons and tons of
works of art but it does keep you on your toes because the dialogue
is witty and very very European and there is not a damn thing wrong
with that.
There are three sides to this story
first, there is the extremely wealthy but also extremely gangsta
Lenny Cole and his top goon Archie who are on the greazy side of the
real estate industry in London. Then there's The Wild Bunch a group
of mid level thugs who are in the business of being British gangstas
and finally there is The Rockstar himself Johnny Quid who is kind of
doing his own thing but hes still involved in everything going on and
when he shows up you always get an awesome song. Each group has
their own set of side characters as well. All three of these groups
intersect with each other due to their entangled alliances but there
is enough tea, crumpets, cigarettes, glasses of whiskey and
fascinating dialogue to go around.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh! Hold up wait a minute let me put some
in it!
This movie is as stylish as it gets but
it has a great story to go with it. Like I said earlier it is really
about a missing painting but there is so much more to it. The
dialogue is so engaging especially for an American because the actors
say some hilarious phrases that I have adopted into my own daily
language like “ Bon Voyage and Fuck Off!” (Which means 'Please go
away sir') In case you didn't know the UK is freaking awesome and
they also don't allow civilians to legally carry firearms. Not to
get off topic but it makes perfect sense and if the US could adopt a
similar policy maybe we wouldn't have such a problem with looney toon
mofos shooting up random places? But enough of my liberal hippy
mumbling and grumbling. I said all of this because in one scene The
Wild Bunch rob two accountants (not to be confused with The
Accountant who is played by the super sexy Thandie Newton in this
movie) for 7 million dollars in a comedic scene that has no violence
what so ever. The guys ask “Is this a robbery?” and The Wild
Bunch members say “Yep hand over the keys and the cash”
That scene sets up an awesome action
sequence later in the movie but the style in this movie is so
different from most and with the comedic backdrop it all makes sense
that these wealthy business men would have goons to do the dirty
work. As the movie goes on you can feel the Pulp Fiction influence
all over and its done in a way that doesn't scream rip-off, but the
similarities are not subtle you have a dark haired woman with an
attitude? Check. A charismatic black guy and a charismatic white guy
working for a mob boss? Check and a very important item that we never
get to see but all the characters marvel at it when they do? Triple
Check. That said this movie doesn't re-invent the wheel but it does
make the wheel into a really cool looking wheel from a foreign
country. Enough metaphors, much like Pulp Fiction there is top-notch
character development, lots of goofy conversations and explanations
but again its all done in a way that isn't annoying or overly done
you will wonder why some information is being given but it all pans
out. There is a fair amount of homosexual humor but its all pretty
tasteful and not over done and thankfully no human hotdogs all up in
my TV screen grill.
After a really goofy dance scene
between Thandie Newton & Gerard Butler (more Pulp Fiction
influence) the second act of the movie ramps up the intensity and
urgency when The Wild Bunch has to pull off another 7 million dollar
robbery and this time there is 7 million dollars worth of security as
their should have been the first time. The fight scene between The
Wild Bunch and The Russian Hit men is awesome they brawl, they go all
old school WWF and smash each other with weapons they bleed
everywhere and then they bring out the machine guns. The song that
plays during this scene is awesome too if your like me it will find
its way into your workout mix ASAP.
But the problem is we get a lot of
tough talk throughout the movie and not enough ass whippin for my
taste the battle between The Hit men and The Wild Bunch is near the
end and the final showdown is a bit underwhelming. The twists in
this movie are great but it is more of a comedy movie than action
which loses points with me because its not like Guy Ritchie can't
direct an action scene it just feels like the biggest showdown
happened before the conclusion when we should have gotten an epic
rematch where they finish the fight. In fact the unkillable henchmen
who survive a car crash, multiple machine gun shots at close range
and getting the snot kicked out of them are killed off screen. This
wouldn't be a problem but when we see them in the epic fight they
take all of these shots and keep on coming just to die off screen
from gun shots. Its just anti-climatic and that is the only problem
I have with this film its very anti-climatic in the end. With all
the great dialogue and entangling alliances I was begging the movie
not to end and it just kind of ends with a few silent pistol head
shots. They do hint at a sequel and I would pay to see it in
theaters immediately Guy Ritchie has apparently already written the
script so wheres it at man!? Anyway find this movie and watch it IDK
if its a good date movie because I can't associate with women who
want to watch crappy movies in my presence but its an awesome movie
and pretty much a cult classic.
Overall I give this 8 Perfectly
Executed Back Hand Slaps out of 10
Maybe one day I'll get to go across the
pond for a bit of crack myself.
(Crack means fun in England, you bloody
wankers)
Sunday, April 24, 2016
The Usual Suspects (1995) Rated R, 1 Hour 48 Minutes
Aight yall lets get straight to it but 1st
WARNING! This movie is extremely Gangsta if your veins pump straight up sugary kool-aid packets go on ahead and pop this one out of your DVD player because this movie is off the chain with it.
Right off the bat we start off in the action things are blowing up, the musical score is booming in your ear and a dude who we meet a few minutes later gets capped off screen (Maybe?) The Usual Suspects introduces the viewer to the main characters and puts you in the action with Kevin Spacey narrating.
Five known crooks are rounded up by the Po-po for questioning about a truck full of gun parts that was hijacked in Queens, New York. (Already so Gangsta) No one gives anything up because they all know the cardinal rule of the streets: Snitches Get Stitches. This mystery/crime/action hybrid has 3 mysteries being unraveled at once
1st Who hijacked the truck full of guns?
2nd Who blew up the boat and killed a bunch of people in the beginning of the movie?
3rd Who the hell is Keyser Soze and why is everybody saying his name so much?
All of these mysteries are solved in about 100 minutes of well written dialogue, flashbacks and epic unpredictable action. The movie is an orgasm of goodness you won't be able to guess who did what or why or when or where. This a film you have to see multiple times and even if you know the answer to Mystery #3 (Because of Amy Schumer's enormously loud mouth in that movie about her being a sex addict) there is still so much more to this movie. Let me just say before I dive into the next section, watch this movie, then watch it again and marvel at its greatness because you won't catch everything the first time. This movie is absolutely brilliant. Ok let me put on my flippers, snorkel and goggles real quick.
Because it is time for......
and in case you don't know what that means
(YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)
Aight lets get comfortable we in the Spoiler Zone now.
This movie has the type of dialogue that can only be described as BAMF (Look it up). Me personally I don't need a love story in my movies and this movie accommodates me perfectly. Straight up the two love interests have the best dialogue ever
Female Love Interest: I love you
Male Love Interest: Smokes Cigarette........uh what?
She plays a bigger part later but for the most part that's it with all the lovey dovey cute and cudely bubbley stuff. These guys get locked up, let out and rob some dirty cops real quick as a big fat F-U to the police that jammed them up. The characters in this movie avoid the crappy stereotypes of the usual movies 1st we have Todd Hockney a mechanic who is good with explosives and he doesn't care about anybody. Then we have McManus the crazy ass kicker of the group this guy is down for whatever and he keeps the steel in his hands like Wolverine (Translation: 'He be shooting people') After that there is Fenster played by Benicio Del Toro his dialogue is short and hilarious because of his accent but he gets it in too. The semi-main character Dean Keaton a former dirty cop who has gone clean but is pulled back into the game brings a lot to the story and functions as one of the deeper characters in the movie. Finally there is Verbal Kent played by Kevin Spacey aka Lex Luthor aka my main man Francis J. Underwood. Spacey kills it as the crippled mastermind who is not supposed to be as gangsta as he actually is.
Yeah these guys aren't lovable teddy bears they are pretty intense cut throat guys who are played extremely well. Each one feels different in their own way and yet they are all motivated by their natural instinct to break the law.(Seriously this could have all been avoided) I don't condone crime in any form but these guys make it look......pretty damn scary but in a good way. When they pull off their heists they always get creative with it but never too synchronized which makes it more fun. I hate when plans work out too well in movies these guys plans always have a little twist and even when it goes smooth there is always more to it.
This movie has perfect pacing and does a phenomenal job of raising the stakes. Before I get to that let me continue to gush about how unpredictable this movie is. One scene that really stands out to me is when the crew meet a contact named Redfoot, Dean Keaton pulls him aside and lets him know straight up that he killed one of this guy's friends in prison. In most movies this would have been a whole “Thing” like when you look at a girl's butt but your with your girl and you get caught and have to explain why your eyes are straight up foolish but your heart is in the right place. In most movies it would have gone one of two ways, Keaton would have kept it a secret and they would have found out later or he would have killed the dude and explained it later BUT NO he tells him straight up and they respect each other for it. Instead of it being a gigantic OMG WHY YOU DID THAT TO MY HOMIE!? Type of deal it really just adds to the character of Dean Keaton and just gives you a clue to how much of a Certified Gangsta he is. Little things like that set this film apart from the usual garbage.
The scene where the characters find out who robbed the original truck full of guns from the beginning is subtle but hilarious. Its so perfectly acted that I always like to rewind and watch the different characters reactions. Why? Because in most movies the characters would have been like “Man why you do that man? This is your fault man you suck man” (I imagine everyone talks like this but in a nasally voice) but because they are in so deep and because they all would have done it for the right price and because they have already shed blood and whole lot of bullets for each other its not even a big deal to them. Things like this are why this movie is the real freaking deal.
But wait there's more!
The Action sequences are intense everybody is strapped up with the type of hardware that would make Call of Duty blush. Machine guns, pistols, sniper rifles, bombs oh man this is what I like to see in a movie, well done action with heavy artillery and there are plenty of head shots and blat-blat-blat-blats to go around. Also dual-wielding pistols has never been so realistic these guys hold two guns and don't transform into terminators of mass destruction they actually have to aim both guns and use their shots wisely which is so foreign to most action movies that it makes this movie a few cuts above the rest. Make no mistake dudes are getting blown out of their shoes without clues up in here so take cover when them thangs come out because these guys take no prisoners and it is marvelous. The final action scene is mind blowing. If you have played Grand Theft Auto 3 you might recognize the premise here. A boat full of drugs, an army of heavily armed goons, a guy with a sniper rifle and some fireworks for the party. In the final scene they go all out and bring the story full circle as the viewer is brought back to the first scene and gets to see every emptied clip that brought the (anti)heroes to this point. Trust me bros and sisters this movie brings it in spades there is no slowing down, no boring time wasting conversation, no time for love stories here its all well thought out action and dialogue.
I give this a solid 10 Dual-wielded Pistols out of 10 (Extra points for turning pistols sideways before popping off)
*On a side note I found it very interesting that all of the criminals in this movie are white/european and the only brotha in the movie is a detective. (Played by Giancarlo Esposito aka OG Gus Fring from Breaking Bad)
Go Watch This Movie Now! Or like don't.
Aight Peace,
I'm gonna go play Grand Theft Auto 3 on my iPad because that game rocks and its on iOS now.
I'am Ace Michaels The One & Only, The New King of Queens, The Stat Sheet Stuffer Supreme, The All-Seeing Eye, The Silver Surfer in the Sky, The One Who Is Just Too Fly aka Mr.Never Ever Shy aka Mr.Sometimes Sleeveless Most Times Suit & Tie. You get the picture more nicknames coming. I really really really like movies. I like to think that my taste in movies is a bit superior to the average view (Don't judge me) I like movies with action, originality and a good unpredictable plot. I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE enjoy predictable cutesy flutesy happy sappy movies. But I do enjoy ripping those types of movies to shreds. All of the opinions shared on this blog are mine and mine alone if you don't like my opinion please comment and curse me out I like to go back and forth and I like reading other people's opinions. I will always mark for SPOILERS because I hate when a movie is spoiled. If you like my opinions let me know I plan to keep the reviews coming. I love to write and I admire anything creative. I'm going to keep it for the most part clean and safe for work but here is an extreme pro-tip do your work and read my blog later yo. I don't do this for money I do this for the people. I do this so that ya'll won't miss out on all the good movies that are out there and I also will expose the lame ones. I will take requests too, well let me backtrack on that you can suggest a movie and if it isn't complete slimy wet feces I might review it.
